The leaves are yellow outside my window, it's autumn and it's beautiful. There's so much beauty out there but tonight all I see is sadness. But it's a nice kind of sadness because it's the sadness of having tried but failed. But the attempt matters more than the fall. Today I went through my third break-up. I looked in his loving eyes, this beautiful boy who if let, would give me the universe, and then I said it. And it scares me because I cannot figure out whether I'm just broken, unable to feel anything and that I'll live my whole life dreaming of something bigger and always conforming for something small, or whether there's a reason for why I have to wait. And if it's that, then that's fine, I'll wait forever if I have to, I told you before Peter, haven't I? But if it's not... I'm just so afraid to be dissapointed. I'm afraid that I'm doing something wrong.