Flaws that make us human

I'm trying to figure out how anonymous I need this blog to be. Truth is I used to have a blogspot blog before which wasn't anonymous or secretive or anything of the matter. It was everything about me spilled on canvas, every thought and feeling and worry and secret. I wasn't hiding my identity, but neither was I advertising my site to people I knew. A few close friends had the url and the rest was up to strangers stumbling on it and becoming a part of it. It lasted for about 8 months until one day I realized how anyone I know could google search something random and end up on my page, reading words that weren't meant to be read by them or making judgements which they were in no state to make or just making me vulnerable by knowing too much. And I got scared. I felt so scared that here I was, spilled all over a webpage with no protection, available to the whole world to see. And so I blocked the page and put a password on it and no one can access it any longer, and so like that I left that blog as some historical document of a phase in my life when I wasn't afraid to be out there for everything to rip apart. And now here I am, wondering what would be a perfect middle. Revealing some sort of identity immediately ties you up to stereotypes or limits you from saying what you truly intend to, as you always have to wonder what will the people think... and leaving it like this, as an anonymous confession to the internet, I guess it's safe and anticipates a longer future to this whole affair.

I'm home now, dim light and everything, just as before. Except I am no longer at the edge of the globe, in that frozen house where time seems to not play its role. In a few hours my sister will wake and it'll be her birthday, and all I really feel about this, about her becoming 21, about irreversibly growing older, is how much I hate having to accept it. She's the one person who I need to always stay little, by my side, never older, never really an adult. It scares me and terrifies me and always having seen her as the embodiment of perfection makes it hard to finally see the flaws that make her human. But I guess that's a phase we all go through.