Feel.

I haven't written in a while. To be honest, I just don't know where to start. I feel lost and bored and so out of place. I'm sitting in my flat alone as my flatmates are gone and I don't even know what country I'll be in tomorrow, and she asks me what it depends on and I honestly don't know. Does it depend on him or does it not, am I okay or am I not okay, can I love or I can I not. I just don't know anymore. I watched Mona Lisa Smile today and it's so beautiful and nice, a safe haven with wonderful friendships and cigarettes. I wish I could go there... but if I'm honest with myself, I doubt that would help. I doubt anything will. I just, I want to feel so much. I'm tired of being this empty shell, of not feeling, of not caring about anything. I want to feel, I want something big to happen and I want to feel something big about it. I want to feel feel feel feel feel.

Feel.

And now that I've type the word out this many times it looks strange as words often do. Feel... wha a strange word. Feel...

Feel...

Feel...

Feel feel feel... Is it actually a word? What a strange one.

Give me one wild word. Except for me the answer isn't in 'mosaic'. The answer is in love but I've become immune to it. Immune to love, that should be my new status update. Wouldn't that trigger an interesting discussion? Feel...